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Thursday, March 21st, 2002
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9:06 pm - make 'em say ugh!
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its been a long ass time since i wrote in this thing...we havent updated the site in forever...mainly becuz we've given it to no one to look at.
i was reading my last entry, and it seemed a bit teeny...no just more girly...i really dont like that at times becuz i feel like too much of feelings shows weakness, which i think i have a lot of. but i dont really want to get into that too much...more so on what this whole year has held for me...i ahve something in my eye right now...i have a black eye, and someone at school told me if i held a potato on it it will go away faster, so thats what im doing, buuut i think i have gotten some dirt in the eye cuz it stings...
anyway...life has gone by fast. its already half way through the 5th mark period in school...i feel like such a little kid when i talk about school, but in reality im not...its my last yr, and i should grasp reality by now, but i dont think i have.
alright...i dont remember if i wrote this before, but of course i made vball again this year...awesome year...i really wish we would have gone further. there was so many difficulties with all the new people on the team....we ended up taking 3rd...the tears ran though...and i was happy with my performance....
work is a hell hole, i dont know why i put up with that place...and i should put in more hours, but i HATE the place and the job...thank GOD friday is finally my last day! and i promise you this...i am not going back! not to bussing!
cym vball...awesome season...im really happy i got to be on a team with erica for a change.my friendships with everyone has grown to be a cool thing too...ill never forget the fridays we all spent together...man this sounds so mushy, but whatever...we only live once. the only thing ill regret is the spell that "eric" had over me...i really wish some days it would of turned into more than just one night, becuz it felt nice to be in someone's arms, which i never really had, being such a tall girl. but then i think about it, and it really would of held me back, in my goals, in growing as a person, and it would of made me feel gross to go out with someone as much of a loser as he is...becuz when i finally woke up i realized he has no personality and i would of hated how many mood swings he has. do i regret the night however, no...becuz it was a good thing leading up to it. and sometimes i think he thinks about it, but if he were to want me now...i would deny him the way he did me.
anyway...off of that topic...onto better things...this year No Way Out was here...awesome...finally a ppv here in milwaukee once again! YEAH, what a boring show! the only good thing was the return of the hardy boyz. going to raw the next night in chicago was awesome though...finally a good show and something me and erica got in to. and the ride home wasnt too long either.
this year i found a new inspiration...erica and i really got into going to indy shows in wisconsin. tpw is dead now...however maw is very much alive...and there lives cmpunk...a hated heel, yet an awesome idle. many people realize this mans talents, and they act on it...and many people look at him just for that...i dont know him, but being straight edge is an awesome thing while youre a wrestler...there is so many deversions out there for a wrestler, but not partying gets you so much further and keeps you so much more healthier...and i think its awesome that there is actually someone out there like that...sure there is probably more than one, but he is the only one i know of with all this.
speaking of wrestling...erica and i finally found a place where we may be training...im skepticle of it jsut becuz i dont know anything about this guy...but im willing to give him a shot. me and erica shot our first promo this yr! omg...i cant wait till there is more! the plot is me verse her...im the heel becuz i bustedin the locker room demanding a match, and she ends up beating me down...many details in between...thats the extra short version.
now i am in track...myvball coach convinced me...very easily...i think it will help me build my muscle. today was the first meet ive ever went to...and i looked at the guys on my team, and they are pretty well built, so im hoping i build up some good muscle...i cant wait cuz then i will finally be ready for wrestling, instead of having these puny, flabby arms. after the season is over....time for graduation!
almost there and running with it....
illusion
ah yes! i forgot! creeeeed! they were here...we made it in front row...the most concert ever! i dont care what people say....if they hate or love em....everyone has those kind of fans...i lvoe them...it all depends on the mood, but they have a song for everything....
current mood:  grateful
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| Tuesday, August 14th, 2001
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4:15 pm - about time...
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today i woke up with this feeling of being loved...very emotional and i dont know why...there is no one in my life right now, and i dont have anything to make me feel that way...so i didnt know why...
i had volleyball tryouts today...on the way there i looked at the new raw magazine with jericho on the cover...and there was a lot of pics of the hardy boyz...and they were advertising for the new magazine coming out...a whole tribute to a tag team? WOW! and i dont know, but i felt like crying, happy crying...cuz finally they are famous and living their dream! they have so much going for them in the business and there isnt the RIGHT fan base!! teenyboppers love them! to me, they are my inspirations! they have taught me to never give up, the poems by jeff hardy even got me into writing...and his poems are awesome! and i feel so happy that they are somewhere theyve always dreamt about!
last night we went to raw in chicago, i hate that city! all the drivers are jerks! but the best thing of all...me and erica finally got to see jeff win a title live! and then afterwards we went to see him leave...and we saw matt and lita, and jeff, but we still didnt get to have that time to talk to them...i wonder if fate is telling me, personally, i lost that feeling that they gave to me...but i know they are still my inspirations...
anyway ill come back later and write...there some drama going down now...and im getting mad...
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| Thursday, August 9th, 2001
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11:02 am
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hey its been like 20 yrs since ive updated this sucker! too many things to do i guess...
finally volleyball is starting! im gonna be sore as hell! i want to go work out...run or whatever, but its so friggin hott outside! but the house isnt any cooler...maybe today i will go out for a little bit, do a shorter run than usual, cuz its way too hott!
wrestling monday...man i forgot all about it! and its right there! wrestling all weekend...but i have the best boss in the world! i esp like it when we got directions to this place and everything! cant wait to get our basses down there! work outside in the heat some more...best times in the world! maybe we'll have some fun with our friends! well i think there are only a few we are subjecting ourselves to becuz, most of them, are assholes, and only look for sex, and how to run friends against each other! great stuff! all day long!
hmm what else has been happening...boys...i havent really cared about being single lately, it seems to be great...esp with all the cool boys i encounter lately! erica brought it up the other night, when we were coming back from state fair here...we dropped off our friend...and we've been pissed off becuz his ex-gf seems to be such a ho, but when you talk to her, shes so nice and sweet, but honestly she messed things up with him, now for the second time! and i had that whole day to talk to him about it, and im hoping he can get over her, cuz hes sucha great guy and he deserves someone who wont cheat on him, and someone who he can see regularly...hes so great, and i hope he knows that, which i dont think he does...thats what we were talking about...how all the good guys and girls always end up with the assholes and whores! cuz honestly thats all me and erica see, and with him we see the ho aspect hes with...why cant a good guy find a good girl! someone who is sweet and not into the bad things that pull ppl in...i just hope and pray he can be strong to overcome her...he can do so much better...
i gotta start writing again! i havent thought of much lately, but it would be great if i did use my head on my time off...cuz this school year looks like its gonna be reallllllllllly hard! esp with all my hard classes in the morning, maybe it will get my head working more...man i gotta work hard! no play time for me! senior year finally! im happy with that...but as of now, it doesnt look like i have anything with any of my friends! no lunch hour with any of them! im so sad! i really wanted to have at least that with them!
well i think thats it for now! ill probably think of more things later...and then forget them at work...so anywayz <---hardy boyZ! lol jk!
later dayz
~ILLY
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| Wednesday, July 25th, 2001
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8:42 pm - its been a while
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wow...its been a while and ive been up to pretty much nothing but work and sleeping...wow pretty exciting!
i just updated the layout of the site...im liking this one a hell of a lot more than the other one!
anyway...recently i was flipping through the channels...or my brother....and i saw this guy...and it triggered in my brain how much i liked him...RIVER PHOENIX! i swear the first movie i ever seen him in was "The Thing Called Love," i watched that a million times i swear! i think cuz he was really, really good looking! i wrote something about him in my bio, but i think i can elaborate more on it now...i went to some sites about him to learn more...the story of his death probably would of had a deeper IMPACT on me, if i liked him when he died, but i was pretty young and didnt really think about my favorites much...i didnt know he wrote music and everything! he has an awesome voice also...the movie i seen with him in it, he was a singer...and a good one...i cant believe how young he was...and he always wanted his fans to know who he REALLY was...not what people wanted to hear...there was an incident i read about that he wanted to take different pictures that showed the real him, rather than what people wanted to see him as...his life was too short...but he got a lot accomplished...too bad hes gone...i will remember the impact he has on me, even today...
what else?!
oh yeah! i got the new nsync cd, even though i dont like them that much...honestly their previous cds were better, but they did take themselves to the next level in what they do...and after i listened for a while i get into the songs...and plus ill have a lot to dance to...no one knows this about us, but we make up dances to songs...sometimes that we dont even know...and we also tape ourselves doing stupid stuff...usually dancing...its fun! and hilarious when we see whatever we made up...
i remember the first tape we ever made...we actually got the camera to tape something to send in to fan@tic, but never did...and we did everything on it...mess with music...played around wrestling...with our wrestling binder...eating candy and carrots lmao...what a fun time!
that reminds me...the other night, it was so mice to go over to erica's hosue after work and just sit there and laugh about things in our lives...and people the come between us...it was just so nice to get away from the tensions at home...and when i came home everything was all good! it was just nice to actually make fun of stuff and listen...i dont remember what we talked about, but it was hilarious...
oh yeah! inVasion! what a ppv...haha, yeah right! it could have been so much better! wow! the biggest thing-SCSA going to wcw...who cares! the best match...not cuz he is my favorite, but it was jeff hardy vs, RVD! WOW! i mean i was actually surprised by what he was doing! it scared me they actually may be hurt for a change, and i never thought that...that much just brought jeff to a whole new level! RVD, WOW! im surprised i havent seen him wrestle sooner...he is an awesome wrestler...jeff and him are a lot alike...yet most boys think jeff is gay...but he is awesome...probably cuz most think hes wierd for how he dresses...i think its cool he is original...
im not sure what else to say...but i hope you like the new design and tell your friends...feel free to talk to us or whatever! until then...
later dayz
~ILLY
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| Thursday, July 12th, 2001
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2:01 pm
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thank god all the madness is over...im finally with ok with the whole situation! and im glad, cuz now my mind is clear...
obviously is i didnt want to talk to you again, i wouldnt of talked to you online..and everything is worked out...so i guess this will pass like everything else in the world...
i swear music and writing has got to be two of the best things that help emotions! right now..."crawling" by linkin park has been the biggest and easiest song to relate to my emotions...esp. on that night...but on their site, the lyrics are up, and man! its like poetry...so easy to relate to, and the best thing to get me in that mood...
"Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal, fear is how i fall, confusing what is real..."
i think when i get some money i will have to pick that cd up too!
bon jovi was an awesome concert! the best thing yet this summer! so much energy...it must be so awesome to relate to an audience and have them know and understand you! every single person in the place felt something from Bon Jovi! I have to agree...they are the best band in the world...next to Creed...i wish bon jovi was here everyday! although i wish they would of played two of my favorite songs, Livin' on a Prayer and Bed of Roses...that was such a great concert! completely sold out! how much better could that be!? every person was on their feet...clapping and singing along! even if we didnt know the words we made them up and connected on what we did know! He was amazing! that has to be THE best concert ive ever gone to...once they hit the stage there was no turning back! Just the site of them! Man! i hope this isnt the last tour!
Yeah...hmm what else...
WRESTLING CLASS! man i dont know what came over me today! i wrestled someone else, besides my brother, for a change...and i actually got some moves in! and there we're people cheering me on! god thats amazing! i thought i sucked...but man it was great! and the teacher even told me how much better i was doing! i love it, even if its the high school stuff everyone hates...its one of the funnest things ive ever done! i cant believe either....theres moves you can do if you can get your leg in and i was wrestling and i actually got it in! god it was awesome! i cant wait to learn more...
till then, later dayz...
what down!
ILLY~
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| Monday, July 9th, 2001
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12:35 pm - yeah...
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ok so my thoughts my seem a bit scattered cuz i just burned my nose and its annoying me now...but anyway, what im about to write about, the people its about know who they are, and i dont care if its out in the open cuz i need to get my feelings out once and for all...
ok so after what happened friday, i dont see why you still talk to him the way you do. now that im pissed about the whole situation it seems that you are going for any chance to do talk...and it seems a bit stupid to me the way you go about it...hes in between us and yet you flirt and all...thats a great thing to do...honestly, and i dont care im just gonna say it, it seems like just cuz he likes you now you are ok in talking to him and flirting and everything, when before you got mad and tried to pull on his attention whenever you could...couldnt just let it be...hmmm...and then you had to get mad when i did get the attention when i was the first one that liked him...honestly, i thought you should of been the one to step aside if that was the case...becuz i did like him first, i think you should have just shoved those feelings if you knew that i liked him...now where things are it doesnt matter to me. but like you, i am just telling the truth of how i feel! now that you flirt though...it really gets to me. and i know you like the attention. when i flirt i do it kidding around...but its great how you do it:) thanx so much!
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| Tuesday, July 3rd, 2001
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2:37 pm - whatever...im sick of naming everything i write...its what i write, not a story....
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yeah so anyway-i finally got it through my head im growing up...and its strange, scary and cool all at the same time...ive waited my whole life to wonder and want to be this age and experience, but it seems to be what i make it, and i havent made it much at all lately...just living whatever seems to take place. nothing special. i wonder what people go through life thinking and making it...becuz i think we are put on this planet for a reason...and its not going and buying and being the richest person ever...thats not what life is about...and it for sure isnt why someone is put on a planet. everyone should make a difference, and i wonder why they dont. becuz we all have so much potential but we get caught up in the stupidest things the world has invented. and forget about the important things like life and the destruction we have to save it from. we are the only thing on this planet that can help another survive. and when we are wound up in ourselves nothing is helped our accomplished. and when a life is wasted becuz it causes the destruction thats sad. becuz we have so much to live for so why waste another persons life. is that why they were put on the planet? of course not. we are put somewhere to destory it. its only up to us to find that out...what we are put here for.
im catholic and i believe in god and try to follow my religion the best i understand it. and this year when i made my confirmation...there was someone i encountered, their family took in sick orphans and gave them a family to love and something to live for in the short time they had. i just found it awesome that someone could do that. someone they did not know, but opened their arms to them and gave them a home, someone to love and a happy life.
i havent fully figured out what i want to do...but i do have an idea. violence is the biggest thing affecting people my age...and its so horrifying to see someone experience it, and the fact that someone has to experience it. i dont know what to do yet. the only thing i know of so far is raisinf pennies for peace, although it isnt a lot...and then again there is homeless people. its sad they have to beg people for money, food and sleep outside and on top of that get ridiculed. i think of starting some kind of charity...hopefully i do become a wrestler becuz i can definatly raise money and everything for that...theres just so much shame that we have caused in this world.
thats my thoughts...
later dayz
~ILLY
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| Monday, July 2nd, 2001
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12:30 pm - A Growing Mind...
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there's so much that has been on my mind lately...and my friggin space bar keeps sticking!!! thats why sometimes there is a million space in between my words, but i think its getting under control now!
anyway...today my brother got his owen hart tape, which includes the ppv where he lsot his life...i was scared to watch it, but they dont show it at all, and thats agood cuz it showed respect for what happened...its sad that they had to keep the show going...they werent gonna send everyone home and they werent going to not give people anything for what they paid for! and they had a little time to cancel raw the next night, so it was good to dedicate that to the late great...
so yeah...thsi tough enough thing...along with a few other things has got me thinking...ive been watching wrestling with a bias against the wrestlers who are heels...and who are overly popular or seem like bitches...and then i realized...what the fuck...its a show and everyone has paid their dues to get where they are! and i have this new respect for anyone in the business cuz just seeing the beginning of tough enough...you know you have to work your ass off to get there! and i think now im going to have an open mind to wrestling...not only liking one style, cuz there are so many different ways to go about wrestling...and this class im taking is a great start off...some people prefer not to like it, but i once you do it, its the funnest thing in the world and i love it! i dont mind getting my ass out of bed early anymore...kicking my brothers ass doesnt hurt either and its fun getting thrown around...i thought once i would get there i would go into it with my head up and and ready for anything...of course will have my head up, but i will respect everyone wrestler i encounter cuz they have worked long and hard, and one day i will be close to what they are....
what the hell is up with me listening to hanson lately! last night i watched some of the new stuff i had taped about them...its wierd! and i havent felt like going upstairs to get any other cds so i listen to this cd...its great...and i saw some of the earlier NSYNC stuff i have...those were the best days i think...i loved their voices and now they are so cocky...although its great they get control of their own music now...its great to see them grow up...and i swear when i hear their best voices...it brings me back in the day...im only 17, but yes i do have back in the day times!
yeah yeah....great journal lol...anyway have fun and live it up....
later dayz
~ILLY
everytime i think of that name now i think of "it makes me ill to see you give....." NSYNC great stuff!
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| Wednesday, June 27th, 2001
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8:11 pm - sometimes...
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you know, sometimes, i get sick of always acting a certain way...i love change and then again i hater it! like on volleyball...if suddenly we learn something new, or a new player is added, i dont wanna get used to it, but i have no choice but to...but i like change becuz you dont have to do the same thing all the time, otherwise it gets boring.
like this thing with wrestling-im getting sick of sitting here and reading over our journals, seeing the want, but no determination behind it, and then again i hate it when we get so wound up into things...it seems so corny to me. and i get tired of it, cuz ive heard it a million times, ive thought 10 billion times...and yet we are just reiterating everything we thought, and felt. its so tiring....wee sit here and dream...and dream...and dream. and i am getting sick of feeling the same thing...why not start something if we want it? why not invent a new way to make this dream reality!? i am just tired of hearing how much we want it...why not get it by now!
...im not gonna go on and on about this shit...it would be kinda hypocritical to keep saying the same thing over and over...its just, some of this stuff makes me want to puke...
anyway...so far...this summer hasnt been much of anything. NSUCK concert yesterday sucked...but oh well, who cares...hmmmim excited about the next wrestling show we are working, cuz its been a while since the last one, and i love that job, even though it hurts like hell! plus, all the people we get to check out along the way....that doesnt discourage me too much. yeah and we got the summer's annual SUMMERFEST!!! yeah...not much going on there...work work work...not enough days though! hmmm...only thing im doing is going to see bon jovi baby! WOO WOO! lol 4th to last row though! GREAT STUFF! ah well...its bon! after that...who knows...
i kinda cant wait till volleyball starts back up! i love that sport! and this year-IM THE SENIOR! this means im finally a starter! yeah, i dont have it as lucky as other people, and then get pissed when i cant start...i love the sport and any time played is fun! but i gotta get working on my skills some more, even if some people wont help...ill have to do with what i have...and here is another example of what i said before-we are getting this new girl from another school, she plays my position and is really good...but she isnt a senior, so i dont think i will lose much there...so im ready to work with her if she'll help us...im not trying to boost myself or anything, but this coming season we do have our title to defend, and if we were that good this past season, it would pretty much suck to not be good this season...i am VERY excited though!
this wrestling class im taking is getting better! i really like it, and now im not the only girl! its ok though...i didnt feel wierd at all before! and now that shes there, i really dont mind! even though i wrestle with my brother thats ok, cuz its fun twisting him around and i dont feel so wierd letting him touch me in certain places...uh not like that-that would be gross! but its great! i learned some new take downs and reversals...and its cool cuz the teacher doesnt push me into doing anything...at first i thought i would really suck-but i actually got a compliment...someone thought ive done it before, but i havent and i was really surprised...im not trying to boost myself again, its just i was surprised!
i forgot what i was thinking about...i gotta pee and that in my head now, so there will probably an entry right above this one quickly...so i will pee now and write later!!
later dayz
~ILLY
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| Monday, June 25th, 2001
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3:12 pm - something more.....
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sometimes i wish i could live in someone's shadow. since im the oldest i always have to do everything without any prior knowledge. so any mistakes i make, my brother learns from, and i can see how he uses it to his advantage too. so then when it comes down to it, im the one looked down apon, becuz my brother makes sure he hasnt repeated my mistake...he is ultimately better than me. my parents make sure to point that out too...that daniel didnt do what i did...well DUH! he saw what happened to me. but the thing is, no one wants to take someone's word for something...you arent gonna be discourage toward something unless you experience the unpleasency. its up to us to learn from our mistakes...in my case my brother learns from my mistakes and it has destroyed how my parents see me in their eyes.
now my dad can only do things with me if it counts for something...polish fest-my last year, so he stopped to watch me. national honor society induction-look into my achievement. my lack in whatever they think has hurt the relationship i hold with them. and now, since school is out my ready and willing to do more things...i have a short time before i can leave, so i figure they would want to spend more time with me, cuz thats what a loving family does, right? well not mine. they expect me to fall to the worst and they know they will be there to tell me "i told you so" never am i encourage to follow a dream, even its dumb to them, it means something to me. the only person i know that has done that is pac's mom...shes behind us even if she thinks it may not work out, she still encourages us and helps us through the problems she experiences in our lives...even though im not really her daughter, i feel like i am one. just the reassurance and love she gives off...shes like a second mom to me...and i love her:). and if she dies before me and erica reach our dream...the day we capture the tag gold, it will, no doubt, be dedicated to her.
later dayz
~ILLY*
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2:37 pm - ..........
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its funny how something helps you release the emotions you feel at that very moment...music, writing random thoughts, poetry, drawing, sports....there is so much...it just releases any tension, any love, any hurt...anything! and its so awesome that we as humans are able to take care of ourselves and allow ourselves through the many obstacles we encounter.
for me writing, and music has to be my therapy...drawing is something i havent done is a very long time. i wish i still did it, but i have no time, lazy mostly. and the desire to do it hasnt been there. thats the whole thing...you have to have the desire and want for something. thats what drives you to do what you do. i want to be a wrestler, and right now my desire is losing weight and starting the skills...thats why im starting this wrestling class...for high school wrestling, cuz now that i watch WWF you can see the basics, that im learning now, buried in what they do. so what im doing now cant hurt what i want to do.
however, there is this fear, of the training and the pain that i may endure in indy feds...becuz in indies the pain is real, prowrestling-the pain is staged...i guess thats why those superstars love what they are doing. just keeping up their body and the extreme-ness of their acts is what the job is all about. how far they want to go is up to them. PAC-girl you think im gonna back out of it all...im not! its something we are in it for together! i know what erin did...dont think im gonna do the same! we made that promise to ourselves that it wouldnt happen and it wont...thats why we had the promise rings-but what does that speak of when you lost yours? boys...you know i wont let them discourage my dreams...our dreams. look at my biz...i love what he is, but he is totally against my dreams, do you see me changing myself for him? no, i go on living my life, unstoppable for someone to play with...im lost in the game.. and obstacle im approaching will not stop me. (sorry im listening to that MACDONALDS cd...BRITNEY i love her!-duh just for my biz) anyway-girl our dream the first time we wanted to get into the business was to become the first girl tag champs...and thats gonna happen...even if its an indy run! we are gonna do it...just lets get this fat off of usssssssssss!!!!!
OHH! im gonna sing you this song girl! lol i havent sung it in a long ass time...hang on lol rewind!
"cuz the girl in my mirror is crying here tonight...and theres nothing i can tell her to make her feel alright........that the girl in the mirror....the girl in the mirror.........IS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
thats for you baby!!! lol...i hate this cd
yes! NSUCK TOMORROW! i cant wait to make fun of the teenies! man...now im gonna go cry in the mirror! the damn song is over!!
piseaceout
later dayz
~stephanie
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| Friday, June 22nd, 2001
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2:35 pm - some more....
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its been like 2 yrs since i was in a relationship...i miss it at times, but most of the time im happy i dont have that one anymore...i didnt like it...but now when i look for boys, it seems there is nothing out there and i have no choice but to lower my standards, and even at that im unhappy. so why do i try? i hate feeling the part of being let down. i get into a guy and then they just seem to forget me. its not that im insecure about myself at all! im fine with who i am...and i work on the things i dont like about myself... but everyone loves some attention and i dont get a lot of it. so its so stupid when i get into a guy, i get the attention and then the whole thing gets old...they get tired of it and i get tired of trying...the immaturity is the worst thing about it...and sometimes i just want it so much, but when i step outside of myself and look at it, its ridiculous. so why do i do this to myself? im a mature girl. im 17...and i have my whole future ahead of myself...so why settle with something now? just grabbin things as i go along...it makes me a stronger person...who knows where that will lead!
later dayz
~ILLY**
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11:24 am - random thoughts....
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wrestling is the funest thing ive ever done! its great...except i hope my muscles get better, cuz i REALLY hurt right now!
Gotta comment on TOUGH ENOUGH!! Taz or Al Snow...i forget who said it, but whatever they said was so true! we have to work at our dreams instead of having them handed to us. They worked their who lives to get where they are and seeing the people who come into this thing and are demanding WWF contracts are getting spoiled...they have no bit of reality there for them. they arent in shape and they still want to live this dream they are unprepared to! better yet....going into the WWF~YES! this is where the playboy photos are taken! DUMB GIRLS! i swear! i dont know what these people are expecting, but now im glad i wasnt 18 to participate in this becuz there is no way i am ready for it. i want to work my way to my dream instead of asking someone to grant it for me. thats how life is i suppose...
now the other day Pac said something about life...and ever since then everything i hear people talk about is how short it is...last night i think Taz even said something...i dont know who...i just watched it! but it is short...we need to take our chances while we can i suppose...but this thing with TOUGH ENOUGH...most of those people werent fit enough to survive in the ring...
im doing only high school wrestling stuff now and that is even hard...its a challenge though and i REALLY like it! you have to be quick and be on your toes! cuz you never now what your opponent will find to bring you down....
later dayz
~ILLY**
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| Wednesday, June 20th, 2001
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10:35 am - Coolest thing in the WORLD!
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everytime i am a bit close to where i want to go, the mood some how changes...that goes for almost anything in my life! and now its happening again, right after i JUST got through the cycle...boys...arent they great! especially when they lie...that is my pet peeve about a boy-NO LYING! i hate it, cuz you never know what is the truth and what they think is the truth...now im stuck, believe what he tells my friend...believe what he tells me-i dont know! its pissing me off...but then again i dont care. cuz i actually felt it had to happen to me again...get close to something, and then it disappears.
So now what...believe wrestlers arent the way to go? or just wait and hear what he has to say? i dont know...i will let things happen how they want to happen. i like him, but i cant help anyone else's feeling about a situation! leave it up to fate...but the subject will still rott in my head until ive actually heard the words from his mouth...ahhhhhh i dont know...im not desperate...just living where life leads me i guess.
im glad this happened though, cuz im in the mood to write again, and its the best release for tension. this 3 Doors Down song is really good...good thing lazer replays it a million times! god i hope youre right impy! BUSH hahaha the best song for this feeling im going through! love and hate...cant get it wrong!
god i wanna stop thinking off it...cuz why? for another stupid boy! good bye icky feeling! i dont wanna come back down...cuz i wanna get high! DUHHHHHHHH! Mike what a special guy-lmao NOT! freaks...i love them all the time! i always pick the losers...and the good ones are sweet, but not for me...for whoever, and whatever they want. which isnt me. lmao why do i care? im a girl! im independent (kinda lol)! and i dont need a boy! and i dont have that feeling that i need one...i just have that feeling when i think it will be ok, but if it happens that nothing is going to happen...so what! im fine! live life to its fullest, i say...do whatever you can while youre still alive and able to do it! do let a moment pass you by...ride the wind...you'll always go somewhere...where you go is up to you.
ILLY*
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| Tuesday, June 19th, 2001
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2:48 pm - first time...
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fun fun fun times! i love writing...but i dont know what to write about yet in my journal! so im doing that little tool ms. horigan taught us-------FREE WRITING....get the bugs out i feel it coming...its coming out!
ahhh no way! nothing to say!
great stuff!
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illusionimpact's journal